Disciplining The Young'uns

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Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby Rod (126579776) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:56 pm

I've been spending some hours helping the missus babysit for some of my friends who have kids. Consider it a "practice run" for me. And yes, someone was insane enough to trust me with their child. LOL My observation is that there is no consistent pattern to how any of them keep their kids in line, nor is there any apparent correlation with failure or success with any method we've seen. What I do know is that kids push hard to get what they want, and a lot of parenting seems to be reactive only when the kid pushes too far.

I grew up spanked and probably had one a week for my entire childhood. I'd probably be a serial killer if I wasn't. I know me too well. The missus was also spanked, but she maybe had a half dozen her entire entire life. She was a "pleaser" for her parents. I don't necessarily need or want to spank as discipline method, but I am not opposed to it either. I think it has its place in the arsenal of parenting, but I despise parents who only spank when they lose control of their emotions. That's not discipline in my book (my dad never spanked us mad, but my mom only spanked us when she lost her mind at us).

If you feel like responding, please let me know how you feel about spanking, time outs, "reasoning", or any other method of discipline you may like or dislike. What have you seen work? What have you seen fail?

There is no judgment in this thread. Please respect each other as people respond. I've seen some ugly stuff on the internet around this topic, and I'd like to learn and not have anyone bashing anyone else. Thank you in advance for sharing your wisdom.

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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby MsPhantom (129173078) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 3:18 pm

It’s psychologically proven that there are more effective ways to discipline your child. Not to mention the many different negative effects that ‘spanking’ has on a child. It’s not worth it.
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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby Richy (3429282) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 3:56 pm

In one of my psychology courses, there was a whole section dedicated to parenting and discipline. The underlying reason why children act out is they aren't given enough attention and acting out is a form to gain the attention that's been lacking. According to this, in order to put an end to this sort of behavior, acting out must be ignored so that it is not reinforced, and the child should get attention only when he/she is doing the right thing. Positive reinforcement! The cycle is broken. Skinner's theory of learning supports this method. This unit also covered time out, which was defined as a define period of time where the child is deprived of stimulation and is told why they're being given the punishment. However, it's not punishment as parents would think, it's negative punishment.

That being said, if I have to spank my child, I'll do it. But only as a measure of last resort. I will attempt to exhaust all other possibilities first. I judge nobody else because everyone has their own parenting styles.
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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby INSOMNIA (184182673) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 3:58 pm

Ive 19 nieces 8 nephews and my daughter and now my grandson Ive taught most of them to swim/ rock climb/ canoe /camp/ play games and eventually to drink :)
Ive hosted hundreds or kids parties sleepovers often in charge of 12- 18 kids I also did participating pre schools for 3 years teaching assistant a few days a week And I have seen some weird parents do the most bizarre things with kids

I never spanked, never used time outs I think time outs just give time for a child to realize they now have to lie or find a way to do as they wish through deceiving the parent I always used distraction and or humor until the child was old enough to understand If a kid is making an adult angry or frustrated enough to lash out then obviously that child is having a problem of some kind today or daily
If they really acting out I talk it out Nothing is more important to a child's development than time. Ive never gotten anywhere near a place I felt I should spank Because in its simplest terms spanking is not an expression of learning it is an expression the guardian is pissed off at a behavior so they hurt you It wont stop the behavior it will only stop the child relating that behavior to that guardian and instead begin to conceal actions and feelings.
Think of it this way for those who believe in hitting spanking yelling IF you REALLY think that helps.... do you extend those same techniques to your kids teachers babysitters caregivers. If you wouldn't like a teacher boss caregiver to do it then why the f**k would you do it yourself???? lol
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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby JustJo (106622274) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 5:29 pm

the time out or reading chair is a great way for a child to calm down and rethink things -especially when a care giver begins to talk to them and ask the questions.every action gets a reaction. time out can and does work

spanking is against the law since many parents cross the line to abuse which is really sad for any child.

the one good thing I did see on the news is that about bullying-no matter how much the world is informed this stuff still happens-so now the law in some states is to charge the parent-some don't agree but the school boards totally do and after notes home ( which go missing or never reach the parent) -many parents are shocked that their child had done the bullying but they are now in the process of charging some hefty fines to parents.

I lived in a time were grounding was the norm and it wasn't fun but now you ground a child -they are happy as they have more things that need to be taken away.

spending time with a child is important,doing things together-I remember that! I don't see it much anymore cuz we live in a high tech material world where more often than not parents do there own thing as do the kiddos.

I think that each family ideas about dicipline will always be different...

one thing I have noticed is some small children in say a grocery store or the clothing department-you see parents looking for things they need all the while a child is screaming in the shopping cart-why would you bring a child who needs a nap and is extremely bored with you to those areas? some parents act like the child isn't even there...I find this very sad.

children will always learn by example.
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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby INSOMNIA (184182673) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 7:00 pm

Yeah there seems to be a trend in just not listening ignoring or what I hate the most is bloody cell phones People will grab a phone immediately and off goes the child completely ignored.
We do a lot of clapping we clap for any achievement!
Look I lined up 3 cars in a row 123 HOORAYYYYYY clap clap clap

Can you imagine the horror of a kid who cant get they're parents attention to be left feeling like no one cares why would others care if they're own parents wont listen its like a spiritual rape

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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby Robyn VIP (8132649) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 7:29 pm

I was raised with spankings and being grounded, and I raised my own children that way. After raising my kids I got involved in dog training using positive reinforcement with no aversions. I wish I could go back and apply those techniques when my kids were growing up. It builds trust and a bond that nothing else compares to.
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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby Autumn Glory (105171200) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 8:28 pm

At the core, there are 4 functions of behavior:
1. Attention
2. Escape or avoidance
3. Sensory Stimulation
$. Tangibles

Once you determine what the antecedent to the behavior is, only then can you determine what an appropriate consequence is......

the best way to shape a behavior you want to see is by offering positive reinforcement and normally natural reinforcers are best.

If a child is seeking attention with aggressive, or damaging behaviors, trying to reason with him is giving him the attention he was craving in that moment, that is negative reinforcement and you can bet the behavior will not improve.

Spanking falls under a positive punishment because you are giving a consequence for the behavior, but spanking does not always change the behavior, but research shows it can have negative consequences for some children.

Offering up a negative punishment would be taking things away or ignoring the behavior when the child is engaging in it. This works for some kids, but again, not all unless you find a reinforcer they really care about. Losing something that doesn't hold much meaning is not really punishment.

With all that said, the best option is modelling appropriate behavior and using positive reinforcement to get the behavior you want to see. With that said, when trying to change difficult behaviors, most kids will "up the ante" and see what you will put up with before you given in and give them their way. Be consistent when trying to extinguish a behavior because it often gets worse before it gets better. Many parents fail when it comes to consistency. :thumbsup:
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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby Robyn VIP (8132649) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:16 pm

Autumn Glory (105171200) wrote:At the core, there are 4 functions of behavior:
1. Attention
2. Escape or avoidance
3. Sensory Stimulation
$. Tangibles

Once you determine what the antecedent to the behavior is, only then can you determine what an appropriate consequence is......

the best way to shape a behavior you want to see is by offering positive reinforcement and normally natural reinforcers are best.

If a child is seeking attention with aggressive, or damaging behaviors, trying to reason with him is giving him the attention he was craving in that moment, that is negative reinforcement and you can bet the behavior will not improve.

Spanking falls under a positive punishment because you are giving a consequence for the behavior, but spanking does not always change the behavior, but research shows it can have negative consequences for some children.

Offering up a negative punishment would be taking things away or ignoring the behavior when the child is engaging in it. This works for some kids, but again, not all unless you find a reinforcer they really care about. Losing something that doesn't hold much meaning is not really punishment.

With all that said, the best option is modelling appropriate behavior and using positive reinforcement to get the behavior you want to see. With that said, when trying to change difficult behaviors, most kids will "up the ante" and see what you will put up with before you given in and give them their way. Be consistent when trying to extinguish a behavior because it often gets worse before it gets better. Many parents fail when it comes to consistency. :thumbsup:


Yep, that's called an extinction outburst in dog training. Probably the same with kids!
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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby Robyn VIP (8132649) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:20 pm

Another example of extinction outburst is what we are seeing in your 'forum party' thread! Joel is going down :)
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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby Richy (3429282) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:30 pm

Robyn VIP (8132649) wrote:Another example of extinction outburst is what we are seeing in your 'forum party' thread! Joel is going down :)

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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby Autumn Glory (105171200) » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:19 pm

Robyn VIP (8132649) wrote:Another example of extinction outburst is what we are seeing in your 'forum party' thread! Joel is going down :)



I have tried withholding that negative reinforcement and now I just see it will only be that natural consequence that is gonna be handed down. I doubt that will shape the behavior in any way though! :haha:

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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby JeNNy (175442028) » Mon Jul 01, 2019 5:25 am

I have heard about "spanking" bringing negative results. But I feel like some children really need a bit of spanking. I've seen a lot of kids misbehave and especially do the same thing they were told not to do multiple times, because their parents wouldn't punish them "harshly" enough. I feel like just a little stern talking won't do enough, because kids are just gonna end up taking advantage of that and continue to do it, since they know they won't get badly punished for it. Humans are sly animals, even kids. :smug:
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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby PurPlyAnjelZ XXX (152320506) » Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:54 am

My 3 kids are ages 21, 20 & 17 now. My mom used to pull down on my hair rather hard enough to make me yelp & my eyes water...and my dad spanked me once with his hand and my brother's he'd use a wooden spoon. Oh, and I got the bar of soap in the mouth more times than I can count on my ten fingers. All of that worked, kind of. I vowed I would never do that to my kids and I didn't. When under age 5 yes a light spank, but after that it was mostly them fighting amongst each other and when that happened, I made them sit together on the couch with arms around each other and with legs, arms, shoulders & cheeks touching...for 30 minutes. If they were naughty on their own, devices were taken away or fun time with us..........that was more effective IMO over the physical punishments. They absolutely 110% HATED them punishments...and it was difficult for us not to bust up laughing with the couch punishment! :haha: My "couch punishment idea" is now being used by others I have told...and it's working for these parents too. :thumbsup:
Last edited by PurPlyAnjelZ XXX (152320506) on Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby yuan (186188531) » Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:55 am

i grew up in my grandma and grand aunts, who i cherished bc they were gentle to me. when i was older, i was sent back to my parents and was spanked several times a week. i might have been scolded everyday. spanks and being hit with flying items bullseye to my face :haha: i definitely oppose hard spanking with shouts... because the physical and verbal angst had me always running away and not telling them most of my thoughts and actions (for the fear of being scolded). but i do believe that sometimes spanking is needed if the child has done something terribly wrong and speaking to them isn't going anywhere. but i think after the spanking the parent shouldn't shout and just apologize to them saying " i didn't wana hurt you but i didn't know how to get you to stop what you were doing." and then educate them why they were wrong, and it will be very helpful to tell them how it affects other people or things with what theyve done.

tldr; spanking should be the last resort
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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby Toink Toink (117686344) » Fri Jul 05, 2019 11:01 pm

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Re: Disciplining The Young'uns

Postby Nick Blade (187030201) » Fri Jul 05, 2019 11:31 pm

I don't think spanking should be an option at any point, when you spank your child you are practically demonstrating aggression, I believe in using logic instead and the last resort would be effective punishment such as no TV, no amusement park and so on, which is more effective and unlike spanking it doesn't expire after a while, the more you spank your kid the more they will get used to it till they eventually don't care then what will your plan be? Use a belt instead?

Most of the time people raise their kids in a way similar to how they were raised when they were kids, some add their own discipline ideas others may do the opposite of what their parents did, different eras require different parenting skills, I was not raised in the best circumstances but when I get to be a father at no point I will resort to physical violence even if it's just a spank.
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